This month is February and it's not a good month for me. At the beginning of the month, i'm very 'fan' about a few things then things start to get worst in the middle of Feb. Gosh.....i've been really black for the past 9-10 days. Let me tell what happen since mid Feb. My TnG card was running really low like less than RM10 and you guys know i by pass tol everyday when i go to work. So last Tuesday i decided to go near my office Petronas to top up my TnG at the ATM station. I parked my car, walked in and top up RM200 and go back into the car and drove off. While driving (after 1 min), i was trying to find where my TnG car was and i can't find it anywhere near me. So i might have dropped it at the station so i took a turn and go back to Petronas. When i reached there, i cannot find any cards on the road. I tried to look if i dropped it inside my car but it wasn't there. So after like 10 mins of searching, i finally gave up and went back to office. So....i lost my TnG card after i reloaded RM200. The person who picked it up is 1 lucky bastard i can say.  Oh well...i guess it wasn't my day. Then another sign of black days came in few days time. My phone's internal speaker died all the sudden. If my friend talk, i cant hear them but they can listen to me. So the only way i can communicate is either i use loud speaker or hands free. I thought that was a small problem so i just ignored it and will send it for repair in a few days time. Few days later my HP screen start to show blank screen when i close the cover but it was only like a few sec. So i knew it was getting serious but i cannot send it for repair yet because i dont really have time. Then Friday came and all the sudden my screen turned white forever. No matter how i ON and OFF the phone, the white screen just wont go away. So from that day onwards i knew my phone KO already. More than 1/2 a day i cannot use my phone on Friday. I loan a spare HP from my mom. It's the super classic nokia style with only yellow and black color screen. Well, it's really hard to sms using the classic phone but still i have to use it just for communication purpose. So...i will be stucked with this classic phone for a while. I don't want to change phone yet as mine is still not that old. I will take it for repair on Monday. Well, there is more to say but there is no need for you all to know as it's really minor only. I am suppose to change to another department but my current boss don't want to let me go yet because he said he needs to find another replacement for me. How long should i wait until he finds someone that can replace me? Man....i want to move in by the 1st week of MARCH!!!

 

So....how long will i be black? This sucks....really sucks. I hope my black days will be over very soon. Oh god...i've been through a very rough ride this month, i hope my black days will be over soon.  That's all i want to say at the moment so...its good buy from me. Take care and wish meh luck ya....

Hello. I am back here again. Ah....this morning my mind was all over the place. I was worrying over something which i think i should not even be worried at all. So after some consultatations with a few of my KEY friends....i finally got myself to 1 piece back. Now this is how i am going to play the game. Cool and being myself. It's now up to me to play the game right, this is what i am going to do. It may sounds easy but it's actually very tough. I need to build up my confidence 1st before i could play the game right.

 

I guess that's all i have to say as of now my friends. I will try and cheer up so much as i can. See ya....

Hello. It's 4:12am now and im blogging here. I can't sleep and i really mean CAN'T! Not sure why but i just cant sleep. I really want to sleep. I can say i haven't sleep for like 20 hours and counting. Gosh, why does it have to be CNY eve? Later i have to help my family prepare for eve dinner tonight. I want to sleep but i just CAN'T!!!! WHY!!!! This month is really a frustrating month got me as i've been thinking alot so i think that is why i can't sleep. I can't help but think alot. I want a peaceful mind but this month i don't think i'll have that. It's a brand new Chinese lunar new year and i cant believe this is happening. I should be happy but i'm all moody now. This isn't a very good sign to start off a new year. It will be either very good or very bad i think. I've been trying to sleep on the bed around 1:10am and until 2:45am im still so awake so instead of wasting time on the bed doing alot of thinking, i got up and played my guitar midnight for like 1 hour ++ and now im here blogging just to rest.

 

I don't know what's wrong me with. This month i should be happy but yet i can't help but think alot what has happen around me. I guess this is when i really need a break and stop thinking all nonsense. I feel so disturbed, so restless, so angry at myself. I don't know what has really happen to me. I feel so miserable. I don't even feel like doing a prayer now. This total sucked. I hate myself sometimes. Lucky i have a guitar and plays a song for myself that will slow me down alittle. I hope i can really enjoy my chinese new year this year. I seriosly need help and i don't know from who...god may be? I don't know why i need help but i seriously do. This is killing me, im feeling anger, hatred, jealousy. I feel so unsafe myself. It's like i will soon crack and go nuts. I hate me sometimes and i don't know why!!!!

 

Should i be saying all this when CNY is around the corner? I know i shouldn't but i just cant help myself. It's so quiet now and i feel like im all alone in this world. Now i think it's the best time to drink liquor and drown myself in it but i don't have any now. I just want to sleep but i cant because i can't stop thinking i think. HOW TO GET RID OF THIS!!!!!!????? I'm getting more unstable now...better keep my hands away from the keyboard before i start to break something.

 

STOP BEING LIKE THIS BENNY!!! ITS DISTURBING!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY F*CKING MIND AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Anyway, happy CNY and i hope this wont happen again....sorry....